When Do Couples Need Therapy? 5 Signs It's Time to Seek Support
Couples therapy isn't reserved for relationships in crisis. Many partners seek therapy as preventative care (before moving in together, after welcoming a child, or when navigating career transitions). Others arrive after noticing patterns that feel small enough to resolve on their own, but decide to get support before things deteriorate further.
Research from the Gottman Institute shows that couples wait an average of six years before seeking professional help, often arriving after significant damage has accumulated. The earlier you address relational distress, the better your outcomes tend to be. When you're searching for couples therapy in Los Angeles, you might be wondering if your relationship truly needs professional intervention.
These five signs can help you recognize when it's time to stop waiting and start getting support.
Sign #1: "We Don't Recognize Us Anymore"
One of the most common concerns couples share during initial consultations is feeling like roommates rather than romantic partners. The logistics are handled (bills get paid, schedules coordinate, responsibilities divide neatly) but the intimacy has evaporated. The friendship that once anchored the relationship feels distant or entirely absent.
This disconnection often surfaces after major life transitions: relocating to a new city, changing careers, becoming parents, or caring for aging family members. From the outside, the relationship might appear functional. But internally, both partners sense something essential is missing. You're coexisting rather than connecting, operating in parallel rather than partnership.
If this description resonates more than once recently, it's worth exploring with a couples therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in helping partners rediscover intimacy during transitional seasons.
Sign #2: The Same Fight Keeps Happening (Just With Different Topics)
Today the argument centers on dishes left in the sink. Tomorrow it's about parenting decisions or how you spend holidays. By next week, it's about money management or whose family to visit. The content changes, but the emotional experience stays identical—both partners feel misunderstood, defensive, and stuck.
These are the hallmark signs of negative relational patterns. Perhaps one person pursues connection while the other withdraws into silence. Maybe both partners retreat into separate corners, creating even more distance. The specific topic becomes irrelevant because the underlying dynamic drives the conflict.
Couples therapy in Los Angeles can help identify these patterns and interrupt them before they calcify into the relationship's default setting. Recognizing that you're repeating the same emotional dance—regardless of what triggered it—signals it's time for professional support.
Sign #3: You're Moving as Adversaries Instead of Teammates
Healthy relationships operate on a "us versus the problem" framework. When that shifts to "you versus me," the foundation starts cracking. You might notice you're keeping score of who contributed more, who sacrificed last, who deserves to be right this time. Collaboration gives way to competition. Problem-solving transforms into winning arguments.
This adversarial dynamic often includes assuming the worst about each other's intentions. When your partner suggests something, you immediately question their motives rather than extending generosity. When conflict arises, proving your point matters more than maintaining connection.
If the relationship feels more like a battlefield than a refuge, couples therapy can help restore the partnership that brought you together initially. This is one of the clearest signs you need couples therapy—when defense becomes your default mode.
Sign #4: You're Avoiding Important Conversations
Walking on eggshells becomes the norm when couples fear every conversation will escalate into another fight. The list of forbidden topics grows longer: finances, extended family, parenting approaches, intimacy, future plans. Important decisions get postponed indefinitely because civil dialogue feels impossible.
Meanwhile, resentment accumulates silently. What goes unspoken doesn't disappear—it festers. One partner might shut down completely while the other grows increasingly anxious about the growing emotional distance. Both know certain conversations need to happen, but the risk feels too great.
A couples therapist in Los Angeles can create the structured safety needed to finally address what's been avoided. When you can't navigate difficult conversations without professional support, that's not weakness—it's wisdom.
Sign #5: You're Questioning Whether to Stay
Fantasizing about life after the relationship or calculating whether staying is sustainable signals serious distress. These thoughts don't necessarily mean the relationship is over, but they demand immediate attention.
Many couples arrive at therapy with one or both partners experiencing ambivalence about the future together. This uncertainty is incredibly common and doesn't preclude successful therapy. In fact, couples therapy can provide the clarity needed to make informed decisions about staying or leaving.
When do couples need therapy most urgently? When someone is already considering the exit. At this stage, professional intervention offers the best chance of either repairing the relationship or ensuring a thoughtful, intentional separation process if that becomes necessary.
What If Only One Partner Thinks You Need Therapy?
This dynamic appears frequently in couples therapy consultations. When one person expresses concern about the relationship's health, that concern deserves exploration—even if the other partner doesn't share it immediately.
If you're the skeptical partner, consider attending a few consultations or even a first session while being transparent with the therapist about your hesitation. Many couples therapists in Los Angeles offer free 15-minute consultations that can help assess whether therapy would benefit your specific situation.
It's also worth noting that ambivalence toward therapy often mirrors ambivalence about the relationship itself. If you notice yourself resisting the process, that resistance might contain valuable information about deeper relational patterns worth examining.
Individual therapy can serve as a productive first step when one partner isn't ready for couples work. This allows the concerned partner to get support while the relationship continues.
How to Know If You're Ready for Couples Therapy in Los Angeles
Recognizing signs you need couples therapy differs from knowing you're ready to engage the process. Couples therapy requires examining relational patterns, not just pointing out your partner's flaws. Readiness looks like:
Willingness to look at your own contributions to relational patterns, not just your partner's behavior
Capacity to show up when things get uncomfortable, including receiving difficult feedback
Some level of commitment to the relationship, even if that commitment is simply "I'm willing to explore whether this can work"
Openness to trying new approaches rather than insisting your way is the only right way
Couples don't need perfect alignment or complete certainty about staying together to benefit from therapy. But having at least a minimum threshold of curiosity about improving the relationship creates the foundation for productive work.
Your Next Step
You don't have to wait until rock bottom to seek couples therapy in Los Angeles. In fact, waiting until the relationship reaches crisis point significantly reduces your chances of successful repair. The couples who benefit most from therapy start before patterns develop complex, entrenched roots.
If you've recognized your relationship in multiple signs described here, that awareness itself signals readiness. The fact that you're researching when couples need therapy suggests you already know the answer.
When you're ready to move from recognition to action, book a free 15-minute consultation with a couples therapist who specializes in your specific concerns (whether that's navigating major transitions, breaking generational patterns, or rebuilding intimacy after disconnection).
About the Author
Stanza Family Therapy, Inc. specializes in couples therapy in Los Angeles for partnerships navigating major life transitions. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and expressive arts approaches, the practice helps couples shift from adversarial patterns back to teamwork. If you're wondering whether couples therapy is right for your relationship, book a free 15-minute consultation to explore your options together.